-“‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, O Fuck We Have Mice” (Yale Record)

– “10 Objects Around Your House That Are Actually Just Tilda Swinton Getting Lost in a Role” (McSweeneys)

-“Charger Cable With Sparks Shooting Out Of It May Need To Be Replaced at Some Point” (Hard Drive)

-“Dave Grohl Forced to Tell Second Family About Even Secreter Third Family” (The Hard Times)

-“Cops Who Shot Blade Relieved To Find Out He Was Also Vampire” (Hard Drive)

-“Cool! These Weed Gummies Are Legal Everywhere Because They Don’t Work” (The Hard Times)

-“Steve Albini Standing Outside Gates of Heaven Telling Everyone How Much He Hates the Smashing Pumpkins” (The Hard Times – Headline)

-“Weird! This Man Can Name A Third Member Of Oasis” (The Hard Times)

-“FBI Whistleblower Says Aliens Exist and Also There’s a Worm Man” (Hard Drive)

-“Woman Runs Back Into Burning House To Make Sure It Destroys Husband’s Gaming Chair” (Hard Drive)

-“NBC Announce New Show Will Air on Peacock and Also Is Canceled” (Hard Drive)

-“Bank Purchasing House So It Can Settle Down And Raise Little Banks” (The Hard Times)

-“AI Perpetuates Unrealistic Standard Of How Weird A Woman’s Hands Should Look” (Hard Drive)

-“If Tony Hawk Is A Real Person, What About Mario? Is He Real?” (Hard Drive)

-“All The Boxers From Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out Ranked By How Annoying It Would Be To Repossess Their Car” (Hard Drive)

-“Apple Vision Pro Is Changing The Way Americans Die In A Tesla” (Hard Drive)

-“Aliens Not Only Built the Pyramids, But They Also Committed That Murder I’ve Been Accused Of” (Points In Case) *

*Written with Clip Show Comedy – Headline By Myles Hewette